Warning: Child in Front of a Screen

– Why are screens so magnetic for children?

– We adults are often glued to them too—sometimes out of interest, sometimes out of anxiety.

A screen is something we would do well to keep an eye on at any age,

and be careful not to overdo it. From a technological point of view, what mainly attracts children is the visual stimulation. It is brighter, stronger, far more expressive at an early age. Sight is the most sensitive sense from 0 to 3 years, and children are even inclined to prefer visual stimulation over taste.

Then things change. From 3 to 6, the interest is already about content, about color stimulation. And when we talk about older children, after first grade, the social element kicks in too.

It is very important to realize that we are raising a digital native generation—these children were born into the digital, it is part of their everyday life. We all have phones in our hands. That makes it hard to talk about strict restrictions.

– What rules are worth following with the youngest children?

– The leading criterion is screen time—time spent on a laptop, tablet, phone, any device with internet. But also in front of a TV, a PlayStation, anything that has a screen.

Specialists recommend that from 0 to 2 years a child should not be exposed to a screen at all.

Even beyond the neurological point of view, at this age live contact with loved ones is of key importance—talking, interacting. The child should be praised, encouraged, should feel loved. This is also the time when the social bond with the parents is built.

Psychoanalysis regards screens as a conduit of communication with the subject. It is interesting how younger children often don't realize that there are people on the other side of the screen. In that sense, their communication resembles “talking” to a mirror.

– And once the child turns 2, screens are allowed, is that right? But within what limits?

– Between 2 and 4 years, we are talking about 30 minutes of recommended screen time a day, and it is good to split it up, for example into 3 sessions of 10 minutes. At this stage it is very important for parents or teachers to be next to the child when the screen is in use, to talk about what is being seen, to explain what is happening. That way the digital also supports the child's language development and strengthens the social bond with the adult.

These children are already in the window of active language development, and the digital can support them enormously with the right videos and with the good, steady support of the adults.

At this age it is good to have watched first what we are going to show, so we know whether there are situations or words that are not appropriate. Since content matters so much, my recommendation is to use the YouTube Kids platform. Age is marked there and the child has no access to inappropriate content.

Between 4 and 7 years, the Pediatric Association in Bulgaria recommends 1 hour of screen time, again divided into portions. Here, too, it is important to watch and discuss with the child, but now not so much for the sake of language as for social development and emotional regulation.

– We are talking about screen time, but doesn't that lump together screens with different purposes—whether it's the TV, the computer or the phone, whether it's passive consumption of content or communication?

– That's right, screen time is the factor at an early age. When we talk about the end of preschool and the first grades, we pay close attention to what exactly children are doing online, not how long they spend in front of the screen.

Passive watching, especially at an early age, is more harmful and more taxing than when they get involved in games and activities, with an adult explaining what is happening.

Screens have been a very interesting thing ever since our own childhood. I belong to the first generations of screen kids; the biggest punishment for me was having the TV taken away, and that's when I realized I had made some very serious blunder and needed to correct myself.

Screens are used the same way now—as a privilege that can be withdrawn, and that is part of social regulation. It's a fact that decades ago the technology itself was different; today's monitors are considerably gentler.

Back then the damage screens did was purely technical; now it is more psychological.

– So here we arrive at the “sore” question. What are the immediate results when some parents leave their children with a phone in hand for hours so they don't have to deal with them?

– It's true, there are children who spend long stretches in front of a screen at an early age, who eat that way. It's a lot like using a pacifier—the child is quiet, eats, behaves. But, especially from 0 to 2, it is by no means advisable. Reading books and singing songs are far more beneficial in place of electronic devices. It is worth avoiding contact with screens, but if there's no way around it, let's at least alternate them with live contact.

When we spend time with a child, we show them that we want to communicate, that they matter to us. That gives them the chance to learn their mother tongue, to put in the request for love that lies at the heart of social relationships in the years to come. In this sense, it is also very important that we monitor our own screen time and that it doesn't come at the child's expense.

At the same time, everyone has to follow their own authenticity, not only as a parent but also as a person. If the parents are gamers or programmers, live in the digital and decide to hide all the devices, they are punishing themselves—denying their own authenticity in order to be good parents. Every extreme should be avoided.

– Sometimes, though, feeding really is hard and the screen comes as the only salvation—I say this from personal experience too.

– Of course, there are children who are extreme in refusing to eat. Some joke that in this battle all means are fair, and sometimes that really is the case. It is important, however, for the parent to be clearly aware that this must not become a permanent ritual. Because in this small, still immature brain, connections between neurons are forming, and the screen can have a negative effect, for example, on whether the child learns to appreciate the taste of food. So instead of being fed, they will remain a picky eater precisely because of such interventions.

Whenever there is a screen, the word “balance” should automatically appear in our minds, regardless of age.

If a one-year-old eats only in front of a screen, the balance is clearly off.

I also consult with dietitians, and from one of them I heard something applicable. With any diet you have a 10 percent compromise—that is absolutely enough to keep a balance. If the child is fed in front of a screen once out of 10 times, in my view that is an acceptable compromise.

– What makes the digital so tempting for little ones?

– Children very often pay more attention to screens when something is missing in reality—whether attention, understanding, close relationships, or difficulties with socialization and emotional regulation.

Children are captivated by the digital because the simulation is much brighter, more dynamic, more visually interesting. Achievements come more easily—in a game you can jump 3 meters, unlike in “real reality.”

From a social point of view, slightly older kids manage to find the company they lack, especially if the parents come home tired from work in the evening and stare into their phones. A child has nothing else to do but follow their example. The parents' personal example is also among the reasons children are drawn to the digital.

– What are the risks if screen time is drastically exceeded?

– With a small child, any regression in development is a sign that something is wrong, and it is important to look for the cause. When children have grown up in front of screens, they begin to acquire language in a specific way; they don't always understand what they copy, in English, for example. Sometimes worrying bodily phenomena are observed as well—a child at this age starts moving and can't cope well with coordination. The earlier a child is exposed to screen stimulation, the greater the risk of such problems.

Up to 6 or 7, the biggest risk is inappropriate content.

In primary school, the main risk is online bullying. If we have done our job beforehand and explained to the child, while watching a video together, that the wolf is not speaking nicely to the little girl and that this is not acceptable communication, they will know how to behave online and to demand good treatment for themselves.

The second big risk concerns education—how to choose appropriate content. Again, it is up to us to have shown them how to do it when they were small.

At 10 to 12, if we have made our bed well, we can catch our breath. After fifth grade, the risks of online bullying remain. But again, if we did our job in primary school and explained to the child how to communicate online, we won't have a problem.

At an older age the risks are different—obesity, vision problems, difficulties with fine motor skills, sleep disorders, spinal curvature.

– What are the upper limits between ages 7 and 18?

– After COVID and online learning, these boundaries became quite blurred. Before, for primary school age—

from first to fourth grade, we allowed up to 2 hours a day. Now we no longer dare to impose limits,

because, in the end, children study mainly online. Now it matters much more what the child is doing than how much time they spend online. When we talk about slightly older children, we must be clearly aware that this is their main social environment; they very often play with their peers in the digital rather than the real world.

Of course, there are some basic rules that it is important for us adults to learn ourselves and instill in our children—that

live contact comes first.

When someone is talking next to you with their living voice, their living body, their living gaze, the chat can wait.

– So psychologists, too, increasingly appreciate that digital technologies are useful, especially in moderation.

– Of course! Not all screen time is harmful!

If it is shared, it can be part of family life, extremely rich time between parent and child.

We can improve children's motor skills, the eye–hand connection, which greatly helps with learning to read and write, and body coordination, especially if we use the screen for physical exercise. Also language literacy—later on it is strongly supported by communication; children start to pay careful attention to how they express themselves in writing, especially if they have been supported by their parents beforehand and it has been pointed out to them that the language we use online matters.

Interaction and socialization can also be supported by the digital—remember the pandemic. There are many people with relatives abroad for whom the internet is the only way to stay in touch.

– Are there specific important rules worth following?

– Don't use devices during meals. In our culture, sitting down at the table is part of bringing the family together, of talking, of communicating, of sharing with your loved ones how your day went.

Don't give children screens during meals, but limit your own too!

One of the risks is disrupted sleep. At least an hour before bed, replace screens with something else—calm games, pastimes, conversations, reading books.

Another recommendation is to designate a place in the home where no devices are used. At some point you will see family members seeking out this refuge on their own—to “unplug,” to come back to themselves. And, last but not least, it is very important to make sure we get physical activity—both the children and ourselves.

– And what are the limits for adults? What is the maximum recommended screen time?

– It's different for everyone; you can't tell a programmer to spend only 3 hours at a screen—they simply couldn't get their work done.

Even before COVID, there was a study by the European statistical institute showing that we scroll an average of 64 kilometers a year! Everyone senses it for themselves and regulates accordingly. What is peculiar about screens is that

there is an extra pleasure in them that we have to manage to break away from.

And that happens not only because of the information on offer, because of the entertainment, but also because of the sense of connection with others—with the people who are important and close to us. At the same time, we can be anonymous there, which is quite appealing to a human being.

There are basic rules. If we manage to introduce balance, to exercise for an hour once a day, to avoid screens for 1 to 2 hours before bed, not to eat while using a screen, everything should be fine.

– Let's go back to children. What can we do if the balance has already been upset?

– Restoring it isn't easy at all, we all realize that. Most often, when I come across such a case, I suggest the idea of the clock change. When we have a baby and daylight saving time is approaching, we start adjusting them gradually, shifting bedtime by 5, 10 minutes, then 20, until we gradually “catch up” with the new time, and the child has adapted to the change without stress for them or for the parent. We can approach screen time the same way when we see we have overdone it—with attention, control and care, reducing it gradually. If it's an hour and we want to bring it down to 30 minutes, we cut it a little each day for 2 to 3 weeks until we reach the goal.

It's true that some children react more stormily, but that isn't only about screens—it applies to anything important to them, for example not letting their favorite toy be washed.

Here the parent certainly needs to be firm. Second, it is very important to tell the child why the device is being taken away, to explain: “We're finishing this because we're going to have dinner, and we don't use devices then.” What exactly the child is doing at that moment matters too. If we reach for the device in the middle of a game, the reaction will be explosive. Check what the children are doing, explain why you are interrupting, give them a clear idea of what will happen after the screen is taken away. At some point they will be inclined to give up screens on their own.

– You mentioned that overdoing screen time at the expense of real life is often a sign of a problem in the real world. How should we approach that?

– The salvation is to talk to the children. That is the most important thing we must keep in mind as parents and as adults. So if we see something like this, we can take it as a clear signal that it is important to pay attention, to talk to the children.

What happens in such situations is like in Peter Pan. Neverland is an imaginary land where children run away to escape a cruel reality. The book was written during the Second World War; there is a very serious situation the children want to escape from.

The need for a “digital Neverland” for our children lies somewhere in reality.

And we are the ones who must support them right there, so that they are not so drawn to the digital, so that they can interact and communicate, and bring balance and calm into their lives.

I would very much like to appeal to parents to pay attention to what their children do online, regardless of age. It is very interesting to discover that what they are into is interesting for you too. And that is something we can use as a channel, as one more opportunity to communicate with our children. Parents of older kids have surely figured this out: it is much easier to communicate with a teenager in a chat than face to face. And if we have built a bond of trust, it continues very easily and naturally in the digital environment.

– When is it a good idea to give a child their own mobile phone?

– It used to happen around first grade, and mostly they used watches. The pandemic and online learning changed that quite a bit; now it is normal for a 5- or 6-year-old to already have devices with internet access.

– In that sense, at least to me, the idea of deliberately keeping children away from technology seems very unhealthy…

– I have met children at school who had never seen a screen, for various reasons. They cannot form a good social bond with their peers, because their peers are in the digital. There were children who could not take an active part in the educational process during online learning.

We must clearly realize that distance learning, in one sense or another, continues even now—children use a lot of materials from the internet to prepare and do their homework. Their encyclopedias are not on the bookshelf, but on Google.

The interview was conducted with the support of the 1 Naum platform, which connects parents with specialists from various fields.